Philippians 2:4
“Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.“
In a world where self-promotion often reigns supreme, recognizing and avoiding self-centeredness can feel like navigating a minefield of ego trips. But fear not, fellow travelers! With a sprinkle of humor, a dash of biblical wisdom, and a healthy dose of self-awareness, we can sidestep the pitfalls of self-centered living and embrace a more fulfilling path.
Who doesn’t like a good movie? Well, me and my family are movie and music lovers. If you’re a true song buff melodies become an answer to a question and movie lines become a part of the conversation perfectly filling in a sentence.
Now that I’ve set the visual you may be able to relate better. Let’s give it a test run, shall we?
Do you remember the Matrix? They were super popular movies back in the day. The villain (Agent Smith) had this line that me and my kids always say when we are teasing each other A.K.A. one of us is being self-centered and making whatever the situation we’re discussing all about our interest.
Here’s the line: Me…Me…Me… (you have to do it in Agent Smith’s voice for the full effect)
Ha! I love Jesus and how he will just give a spiritual tap on the shoulder for a quick reminder to get back in the direction of His Word, even using a movie line. Thank God for his grace because these are some things he was patient enough to expose in me and continues to work out of me so I can live in freedom from a “Me” mentality. This mentality is the direct opposite heart and attribute of Christ. Tearing down this mindset keeps things in perspective which will bring Him glorify and I can sincerely see the beauty and gifts in others.
How Do We Spot the Telltale Signs of Self-Centered Living?
- Well, for starters, if your conversations sound like a one-person monologue with pseudo-listening and the occasional nod to the other party, you might be veering into self-absorption territory. Remember, listening is a two-way street, not a solo performance. (How to combat that: This is a good time to exercise being slow to speak and quick to listen.)
- Whenever someone is sharing something about themselves you feel the need to point out what YOU are doing too. (Here’s how to combat that: Let others shine! It’s okay to support and root for others. God said to consider others higher than yourself. Imagine if we ALL did that!)
- Then there’s the classic case of tunnel vision, where your wants and needs eclipse everything else on the horizon. (How to combat that: Ask about what other’s interests are and what has been going on in their life. Have a sincere concern for others. It’s that simple. Focus on making someone else feel seen and heard.)
- You often feel left out. (Here’s how to combat that: Ask yourself are you truly being left out or are you not taking the initiative to join in? Until someone says they don’t want to talk to you, don’t fear rejection because you imagine that is how it will go. Most people are polite and will gladly include anyone who joins the conversation or moment. If not, do you really want to be around that type of person anyway?)
- You have to be the center of attention. (Here’s how to combat that: Have a “fallback” season of silence and celebration of others. Intentionally and more importantly sincerely, give honor to someone without mentioning YOUR name at all or using an “I” statement.)
- You often feel overlooked. We feel overlooked because we are waiting for someone to notice us. Well, here’s the good news, Christ did notice! He pays close attention to us. That’s more than enough 🙂 (Here’s how to combat that: Ask someone in your family or a friend if they need help with a project. Or volunteer for someone or an organization that helps others in need. This helps to get outside of the thoughts that focus on you so you can focus on others A.K.A. the interest of others.)
- And let’s not forget the humblebrag, this is a classic. It’s that artful dance of self-promotion disguised as false modesty. Where there is a bit of self-loathing and self-deprecation “Oh, this old thing? I just threw it on.” Instead of sincerely saying “thank you.” (How to combat that: Be authentic. Belittling yourself is not the answer, just avoid the superiority mindset of belittling or patronizing others.)
Many of us struggle with “Me…Me…Me…” syndrome.
There are plenty more but hopefully, these can help give examples of how being self-centered may look. Let’s start by peering into the mirror of introspection, shall we? It’s easy to get caught up in our own thing, to see the world as revolving around our desires, and to believe that our way is the only way.
But hey, even the Israelites struggled with this! Remember when they grumbled about the manna in the wilderness, wishing for meat instead? Talk about a divine facepalm moment! Ensuring we recognize how self-centered shows itself in our life is a practice we all need to achieve. When we don’t, we will easily cloud our life with self and not Christ. We’ll create a world that is only concerned with ourselves, how we feel and think. The world operates this way, and we should be so different from the world that people take notice of the differences. Is that true in most cases?
Oh, you don’t have to admit it because it’s noticeable. Many of us struggle with “Me…Me…Me…” syndrome. It shows up in different variations but it’s there. It ranges from self-centeredness often masquerading as people-pleasing. We bend over backward, contorting ourselves into pretzels of accommodation, all in a desperate bid for approval. But let me tell you, trying to please people is like trying to juggle flaming torches—eventually, you’re going to get burned.
Another variation is thinking people are doing things because of us or to us. That’s the lie but here’s the truth. Not too many people are intentionally lurking around waiting to offend you, be you, or compliment you. The Bible offers a gem of wisdom in Galatians 1:10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Boom! Paul drops the mic, reminding us that true freedom comes from serving a higher purpose, not from dancing to the ever-changing tune of human opinion, good or bad.
Most of the time people aren’t even thinking about you. In a true heart that is focused on following Christ then, the understanding has to remain that we are here to bring God praise and share His love and truth with others. We have to at least consider that thought. Otherwise, it will always come back to that “Me” thought process. In Philippians 2:5-8 we see how it is done by the example of Christ.
5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
Jesus emptied himself, became obedient in the flesh, and even to the point of death did He humble himself. It surely was not about Him in any manner. Is this how we live?
This is why we MUST stay connected to Christ in our thoughts because when we aren’t we assume too much, and we imagine the rest. We live this life valuing things that hold no value in the Kingdom of God and are certainly outside of the will of God.
Romans 12:2
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
It’s not always easy but it is doable because he equipped us with everything we need to live a life pleasing to Him!
2 Peter 1:3
“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence,”
How To Avoid the Trap
Now, you might be wondering, why bother with all this self-awareness stuff? Can’t I just coast through life on autopilot, blissfully unaware of my faults and weaknesses? Well, you could, but where’s the growth in that? Where’s the likeness of Christ in that? Embracing humility and authenticity isn’t just about avoiding the pitfalls of self-centeredness—it’s about living life to the fullest, with all its messy, unpredictable glory.
Besides, when we’re constantly focused on ourselves, we miss out on the beauty of connection and community. God wants us to develop deep, meaningful relationships that nourish the soul.
So, how do we break free from the shackles of self-centered living and embrace a more authentic way of being? Well, for starters, we can cultivate an attitude of gratitude, focusing on the blessings we’ve been given rather than fixating on what we lack. It’s like swapping out your magnifying glass for a wide-angle lens—suddenly, the world feels a whole lot bigger and brighter.
Next up, we can practice the lost art of empathy, stepping into the shoes of others and seeing the world through their eyes. It’s like a crash course in perspective-taking, with bonus points for not getting blisters!
And finally, we can learn to laugh at ourselves, embracing our quirks and imperfections with a healthy dose of humor. After all, life’s too short to take ourselves too seriously! As Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
So there you have it, my friends: a crash course in recognizing and avoiding self-centeredness, served up with a side of biblical wisdom and a sprinkle of humor. Remember, we’re all works in progress, stumbling our way toward grace one awkward step at a time. So let’s embrace humility, cultivate authenticity, and laugh a little along the way. After all, it beats taking ourselves too seriously any day of the week!
We already have it inside of us. It’s up to us to live it and use it. So, resolve to get rid of the “Me” syndrome because when we keep focused on Him it impacts more than the self. It can impact the world around us as we represent God’s transforming power in the lives we live.
